October 22, 2000

Intern Stephanie Smith

Mark 10: 35-45

I thought I would start this morning with a story and I want you to think about which character you can identify with most.

A brother and a sister get into an argument, both became upset, angry and walk away with hurt feelings. The sister leaves and plays over the conversation in her mind, retracing every thought wondering what she could have said differently that would have changed the way she and her brother were feeling. She felt horrible but decided it was best if she didn’t speak to anyone about what happened. She thought talking about it might make the situation bigger than she felt it needed to besides she said things she didn’t want to admit to someone else, things she regretted saying. She wanted to just out the whole thing behind her, she knew in time her brother would forget about it and everything would be fine again. But she just couldn’t shake all the feelings that were bothering her and she couldn’t stop replaying the conversation.

Her brother left and ran into a friend of his who could tell he was upset. He asked the brother how he was doing and the brother told him all about the argument he just had with his sister. The brother told of all the horrible things his sister had said and how he had every right to defend himself. The brother was trying to show how his behavior was justifiable and he was looking for his friend to give him that kind of support. His friend listened and agreed that his sister was totally out of line and that the brother not only was justified but his sister should have gotten some more grief over what she did. He felt the brother used a lot of restraint. The brother thanked his friend and was on his way. He ran into another buddy of his and told him the story. This time he was feeling justified in his reaction to his sister so when he told the story it was more to gain some respect so he bragged about what had happened. His friend also had a sister and they loved to swap stories of how they had out done their siblings. His buddy was thrilled and even egged him on to get even with some tricks he had pulled before. The brother had gained the respect he was looking for and headed home. When he got home he ran into his Mom and began to tell his side of the story, hoping he got to her before his sister had. This time he did his best to tell her exactly what happened without any angles. He knew he had said some things he shouldn’t have and he wanted his mother to forgive him. But he was also looking for some advice, if anyone knew how to make this better his mother would. So he told the story again and his mother thought he should let his sister have some time to sort things out and when she is ready to talk, she will let you know.

See both the sister and the brother wanted to make things right again but didn’t know how. The sister kept it all in looking for the answers within herself. Maybe she was too afraid to confront it thinking that would just make things worse. Maybe she couldn’t talk about it because she felt to guilty and embarrassed or she didn’t even know where to start talking about it and felt like there was no one to listen.

The brother on the other hand talked to everyone about it, each time looking for something different. First he wanted to be supported and feel justified, then he wanted to look good, than he wanted advice. And though each person tried their best to give him what he was looking for, the brother just felt worse. He didn’t feel any better about what happened he felt worse. Maybe he was stuck feeling sorry for himself but he certainly didn’t think the argument was over and he still felt badly about himself.

No matter how we respond to situations in the end neither direction will make things better for ourselves and in the end both the sister and the brother probably ended up cutting themselves off from the people around them. The sister went into hiding with her feelings and it began to affect her schoolwork and her friendships. She couldn’t contain all that pain. And the brother didn’t really feel like he was connecting with anyone because event their best attempts to help him only left him feeling worse.

And in today’s text James and John do the same as we do. They have just been told about how Jesus will die and they are left with a lot of confusion, sadness, anger and worry. How could Jesus just leave? What had they been doing all this time, following him around, giving up their family, friends, their whole lives for this? They were worried about the future and they want Jesus to do whatever they ask of him. I’m sure they think they have every right to demand something after all they have gone through and done for Jesus. So they ask if they can sit at the right and left hand of Jesus.

James and John had thought about what was going to happen and felt they can to the perfect solution for everything. If they could just be promised to sit at the right and left hand of Jesus in heaven than everything would be ok. They would be able to carry on the lessons Jesus taught in the midst of such opposition if only they knew they would have the security of the places of honor in heaven.

We do just what James and John do when faced with feelings of confusion and pain, we ask our friends to give us what we ask for. The brother and the sister were both looking for many things — justification, sympathy, forgiveness, and even a solution. The brother looked to everyone around him and the sister turned inward on herself for the answers and neither found what they were looking for.

We all look at a problem and figure out exactly what we need. Like the brother who goes to each person looking for something specific to make things right, but in the end nothing is right. We even do this with God. How many times do we pray in such a way as to say — hey God I have it all figured out and if this would go this way, everything would be as it should be. I know I do this all the time. This week alone I can think of too many times when I have told God to give me what I ask for. My sister is in the process of interviewing for a new job in Arizona. It looks so great, exactly what she has been waiting for and she would live closer to me — of course this is the best solution. So I prayed she would get the job. Now whether she gets it or not will have nothing to do with my prayer or should I say request/demand. Whatever happens in her future will be because it is what God has planned for her and her life and God will continue to work in her life no matter what decision is made. So who do I think I am to help out God in seeing the best solution to the world’s dilemmas?

God is not asking us to do God’s job. The reason why we are never satisfied by what his friends offered him, was because those things were not theirs to offer. We can figure out what we need and ask for them and even receive them from others but we will never get all that we need or want this way. We can hear sympathy, forgiveness, justification or advice from everyone we know or from no one but until we can feel them within ourselves they mean very little in the long run. These things can only be given to us from God and then we must accept them. And the really good news is that it doesn’t take much for us to receive them. All we have to do is ask the right person, God. God will make us whole.

And God tells us not to stop there but if we have truly been made whole by God we are then moved to service. We are freed from our own pain and then can help do God’s work by doing the same for others.

God reminds us that it is not all about us and he does it by giving us a heart that can love so much. This is the gift that helps us do God’s will and makes us whole. God gives us relationships with others so we can get a glimpse of the love that God has for us. it is through this love of others that we begin to truly receive and live in the love God gives us. The Christian concept of love is not some touchy feeling, cozy emotion we have for another person. Jesus’ command to love one another is a love that is action. Love means serving, and we don’t have to necessarily like someone to love and serve them. It is wonderful when both like and love happen at the same time but liking someone is not a prerequisite to loving them. Because shocker loving and serving another has nothing to do with you, it is about them and God.