September 24, 2000

Intern Stephanie Smith

Mark 9: 30-37

Today's story reminded me a situation one of my professors, Jane, found herself in one day. Her daughter, Lucy, was about 6 years old and was sick and had to stay home from school. Jane spent the morning taking care of Lucy and stressing about what to do. She rearranged all the meetings she could, got Lucy to the doctors, and tried desperately to find someone to take Lucy while she taught the one class she had that day. But on such short notice no one was available. She couldn't cancel the class so she had no choice but to bring her to class with her. Jane felt horrible, how would this look a seminary professor coming to lecture with her sick kid. She hoped that students wouldn't think her unprofessional and that Lucy wouldn't be distracting. Then she worried about Lucy, she should be in bed not in class. Would she be able to behave? And what if she began to feel worse and she had to take her home? What kind of mother was she?

So finally Jane packed up Lucy and a bunch of her toys and coloring books to keep her occupied during class. Lucy chose to set herself up underneath the front table. She knew she wasn't supposed to interrupt her mom during this hour and a half class but that's a long time to be quiet all by herself. For the first 15 minutes Lucy was relatively quiet and then she couldn't take it any more and had to ask her mom a question. Her doll needed her hair brushed and she couldn't find the brush. Jane kept lecturing as she shuffled through a bag to find the brush. Then Lucy drew a picture for her mom and wanted to tell her all about it. Our professor tried to politely ask her to not interrupt and explained that she only had 45 more minutes to go. So of course 5 minutes later she wanted to know if her 45 minutes were over yet. She didn't know how long 45 minutes were.

See the problem was that Lucy had a lot of nervous energy. She wasn't feeling well and she needed to know that her mother was taking care of her, that she was ok. Lucy needed reassurance and comfort so she was being fidgety and trying to get her attention event though she knew she wasn't supposed to interrupt.

The disciples were very anxious too. Jesus has just told them that he will be killed soon and then raised again and they are afraid. So afraid that they can't even talk ask Jesus what he is talking about. They do what most of us do when confronted with a problem; we work for a solution. The disciples need to figure out who will be the leader since Jesus won't be with them much longer. Can you imagine how they must have felt? They left everything to follow Jesus and it hasn't been easy, they are confused most of the time. They need a leader to hold them together and they realize that none of them quite get what Jesus is all about, how will they carry on. Yet in trying to plan for the future to keep the message of Jesus alive they have begun to shut Jesus out. It is as though he is already dead; they fail to talk to him about their confusion and worries. They don't get that Jesus has not asked them to figure out the future. Jesus is right there with them and they can't even see that.

What kind of nervous energy do we have? What are the things in our lives that we use to try and get attention or feel secure which end up separating us from Jesus? These things may not be as trivial as trying to find a brush but it may be still be trivial. Think of all the things we do to be successful, look good and gain the respect of others. We spend so much energy trying to figure out what people want from us, what they are expecting from us. In our jobs we try and figure out what our bosses want and do what we can to get promoted, make more money; buy the best cars and houses. These are the things that bring us security and value in this world. But no matter how much we obtain we find out that these things, these achievements don't really give us much security or value because we could always do more, be better, move up the latter. And Jesus doesn't let us get too far. Jesus holds on tighter, sends us people and events to help us stop and take notice that he is holding us through it all. But neither Jesus nor Jane leaves their children to wander too far.

As Lucy continued to pester Jane, she knew she had to do something. She was having a harder time concentrating on the lecture while she was attending to Lucy and worrying about her. She decided it was time for a quick break. She excused the class and picked Lucy up into her lap and gave her a big hug it was all she could think to do in the moment. Lucy squirmed for a minute noticing all these people looking at her, wondering if she was going to get in trouble, not sure what her mom wanted. But her mom just held her and began asking her what she was drawing, how she was feeling and if there was anything she could do for her to make her feel better. Lucy stopped squirming, she wasn't in trouble and her mom wasn't asking her for anything. She stopped all her worrying and finally heard what her mother was saying in her words and her actions. She was being told that she was loved and important and that everything would be ok. Lucy talked to her mom and suddenly became quiet and still and just hugged her mom back. She no longer noticed that students were still watching her. After a moment she was ready to go back to her drawing. Jane was relieved, she only had about 20 more minutes to go and she felt Lucy was doing ok. Jane began to finish her lecture when suddenly she noticed that Lucy had fallen asleep on the floor.

She Lucy finally felt her mother's love and comfort to the point where she could just fall asleep. She stopped squirming, stopped worrying about trying to get attention, love and security because it was always there.

To stop squirming we just need to stop all our running around, all our searching and live in the peace that all we are looking for is given to us. To borrow from Pastor Mullen's sermon last week, isn't Jesus just saying God is enough? God is enough for you. We don't need to keep trying to get God's attention because God is already embracing us. We just need to stop all of our anxiety, our planning, and our disruptions long enough to feel the embrace, to live in the security, which brings true peace. We can stop squirming; we can open ourselves up to God's love and feel safe, feel important, feel forgiven. And then the peace can be felt, a peace we could never imagine and never create. Jesus is always so close. He is within us, holding us and loving us. Not asking us to be perfect, Jesus is welcoming us. Can we help others to feel this welcome as well?